lol | February 12, 2010 | 137 Comments »

2 women and a man are standing by a fast river when the grim reaper comes says to them that either they cross the river or he kills them, the first women dives in an d drowns immedietly. the second women jumps in and makes it half way across but drowns. the grim reaper says to the man, now what will you do, and the man says, i’ll go across the bridge.

“”What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife”” –
a knife she got from the kitchen.

What’s the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women‘s clinic?
The god damned dishes if she knows what’s good for her.

i ****** everyones mum who reads this and sucked her ***** like a ice creem
Why did God make woman last?
He didn’t want someone telling him what to do.

Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? made the chain too long.

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says “what seems to be the problem officer?” the cop looks bluntly at him and says “are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?” the man let out a sigh “thank **** for that i thought i had gone deaf!”

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove.

Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove.

Why dont women have a penis?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why don’t women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.” The man says “Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, “Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, “Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.” Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why.
(Adam Ferrara)

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in!

Why haven’t any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn’t need cleaning yet

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.

Woman inspires us to great things…and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
You hit her.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
women‘s rights.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the ***** cook in the dark!

women are cute and cuddly – every man should own one.

How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard
Jack and jill went up the hill so jack can lick jills fanny,he got a shock and a mouthful ****. because jills a pre-op tranny (by b.scales)
Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How do you get a woman dizzy?

Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
The man, he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

“Q:Why did God create man before woman?
A:Because your always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.”
Yeah right, a masterpiece who doesn’t know the difference between you’re and your.

how many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none she can cook in the dark

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Horaayy..there are 137 comment(s) for me so far ;)

# 1 - The amazing racist - 13/01/2012 - 7:59 pm

Better joke racial equality

# 2 - mckenzieallen - 14/01/2012 - 2:16 am

jeenie, youre the reason men make up sexist jokes.
nagging, b*tching, worthless, etc. see the chain here? im a woman and i laughed my *ss off and told my man these jokes even.

# 3 - BarbieDoll - 14/01/2012 - 7:44 pm

I have to agree with the guys. Ladies…these are funny.
I am a college student, have owned my own business but I prefer to stay home and take care of my disabled vet husband. He works his *ss off BUT comes home to a clean house, clothes press for work the next day, a hot delicious meal and his favorite chair so he can play Xbox. It’s not about dignity or respect or knowing your place. Your man keeps you safe, he is your protector…the least you can do it let him relax and stay off his ass. Besides…when you call these offensive, I’m sure your laughing your *ss off when you read the jokes about men?
Equality is equality…if we can joke about men, why can’t they joke about women?
Suggestion: Learn how to cook, don’t get fat after you get married, pleasure him often…and not just a dead lay but REALLY pleasure him and keep your mouth shut. I promise, he will appreciate you much more..if you just take your place beside him. Just sayin

# 4 - Barbiedollposer - 16/01/2012 - 7:04 pm

Lol your obviously a guy as well
“but REALLY pleasure him and keep your mouth shut”. Just sayin, definitely the words of a fellow male. Correct words at that.

# 5 - Frailty Thy Name Is Woman - 17/01/2012 - 5:13 pm

@Amy your persistence in your blind stupidity is indicative of a femme-tard. So your disassembling then reassembling of a motor bike is your claim to female superiority? Have some f**king sense of humility.

Look around. The world was built exclusively by men. The only female contribution to human knowledge has been Marie Curie’s radioactive cancers/harmful mutilations. Yes women may have helped by a small extent towards male genius but this hardly warrants a share or contribution.

Women are set to be phased out by genetic copies leaving out the “double faced superficial dumb sly bitch” element. Can’t wait

# 6 - BarbieDoll - 18/01/2012 - 12:34 am

Nope. Name is Jessica. Live in Colorado. Have two kids of my own and just found a man worth some salt. I will even verify my identity if need be. I’m just saying….women have no right to complain…let guys have their jokes…we have ours. Keep in mind…no matter how many jokes there are…men still want us. Dumbasses

# 7 - tiffany - 19/01/2012 - 3:42 pm

Why cant Helan keller drive a car?
Because shes a woman.

# 8 - women deserve labour pain - 25/01/2012 - 6:01 am

barbie anti men jokes are not of the same calibre. men only want women for the sex/looks (looks that last about 15 years and no make up/plastic surgery can cover this up).

what gets me is how such a talent deficient group of people (women) have such high expectations, standards and judgements of men when they can do fuck all by themselves. furthermore women are blind to their own stupidity and purport to be smarter.

just remember slyness/shrewdness is not the same as intelligence.

# 9 - equal in one world - 28/01/2012 - 4:00 am

im not sexist. ive met a million sexist girls, but we as guys shouldn’t stand for them complaining about men being sexist jerks, they make them more then we do.

# 10 - Elmer_J_Fuddmonger - 28/01/2012 - 7:08 pm

Man says woman “Wanna play at rape?”
“No!” yells woman
“That’s the spirit!” says man

PS don’t blame soap operas and gay sitcoms for f*cking your heads up. it’s genetic

# 11 - Unholy - 29/01/2012 - 1:46 am

I love how women bitch about equal rights but can get out of work, speeding tickets, paying full price, and many other things for shacking their tits.

a woman can hit a man but a man better not hit back cuz thats abuse…….. a woman can join the army but doesnt have to meet the same physical requirements as a man because they cant because there women and the men have to go to battle with them and hope and prey that the frail mouth piece of a bitch can carry him if he gets injure or shot.

a married man and woman split up and the woman gets the kids and half of everything because she is a woman and you know what we get……. visitation and larg payments and alamony because the stupid bitch was to incompetent to hold a real job.

women can bitch and whine about rights and shivalry all they want but women are f*cking double standard leeches and are good for nothing but F*cking, Cooking, and Cleaning!!!

# 12 - slayedsausage - 29/01/2012 - 4:02 am

Anyone else notice that the jeenie argument spanned close to a year? xD

# 13 - Zoe - 29/01/2012 - 10:35 pm

Sexist pigs! That why none of you have girlfriends!

# 14 - Slap_Happy - 31/01/2012 - 3:05 am

The only B word your should call a girl is beautiful.

Bitches love to be called beautiful.

# 15 - eltrut - 01/02/2012 - 3:53 pm

I stopped reading half way down…wait…I just started reading more of the comments………..

OK…seriously…women come to sites like THIS with THESE kinds of jokes and then piss and moan in the comment section? They are called JOKES! And these guys ripping on you have every right to. You know why? Because you are frickin’ morons.

# 16 - Woman! Desist from pestering - 05/02/2012 - 6:08 pm

cool chicks don’t let this sh*t get to them cos it doesn’t apply. it only bothers those faulty women with a guilty conscience

# 17 - Suck It - 07/02/2012 - 12:29 am

Guys I know a few women that would kick your butts so hard that you would go home crying to your mom if they heard you say these “jokes”

# 18 - A human - 10/02/2012 - 1:17 am

I think your both wrong actually women and men are equal weather you like It or not. Quean Elizabeth was a great leader while Quean Victoria killed so many. Abraham Lincoln was a great leader while Hitler killed many. It’s not the sex you are it’s the person you are. Many will say I’m wrong and I don’t care it’s your opinion and your entitled to it and I respect that. Just instead of looking at a person by the sex they are or even the color of there skin, look at them as a human because you are too.

# 19 - vaginas like gunshot wounds - 11/02/2012 - 7:17 pm

Women can’t control their emotions and end up enslaved to them. As the best male martial artists say -Don’t beat them with feeling. U gotta be clinical about it.

What do the sluts say after ending their prostitution deals?
It’s a business doing pleasure with you!

# 20 - Vagisil Max - 18/02/2012 - 8:42 pm

my fellow male brethren no amount of sense can be talked or smacked into those female abominations. well this is how you beat them at their own game. If you let them believe they’re winning you can do what ever you want.

# 21 - Woman! U can’t drive - 19/02/2012 - 1:54 pm

A blind man walks past the fishmonger. he stops and says “good morning ladies”.

# 22 - Mez the don lad - 20/02/2012 - 7:55 pm

Haha, comments are hilarious, and why the hell are women commenting on this site?? Get back in the kitchen!!

# 23 - TheManWithNoPlan - 22/02/2012 - 9:16 am

Ha… You all cry and bitch about things that don’t matter. I’m sorry to all the women of the world (excluding my 3rd ex girl friend lol) for what I’m about to type. Prepare for I am about to unload a dangerous level of cold hard facts on all your candy a$$es! Women and men are equal, but the world wants you to believe differently. The world wants you to think men or the superior gender but deep down and I’m talking real deep down, we all know that’s crap. I’ll be honest sexist jokes are funny ass fu(k, but don’t let the world turn us against each other. Some day men and women will rise up! And tear down all this PROPAGANDA!
But I’ll end on a happy note: Two guys walk up to each other the first guys says “hey smell my fingers” the second guy smells his fingers and says “whoa! Did you get the right hole?” so the first guy replies “what do you mean? That was the only hole he had!” haha not sexist but made me laugh. So remember what I taught you: smoking weed isn’t a crime if you put clear eyes on…sh!t who am I kidding I don’t wear clear eyes!

# 24 - Striker - 24/02/2012 - 7:48 am

Men are 7 times more likely to get struck by lightning than women only cause it’s 7 times less likely for a storm to be inside of a kitchen

# 25 - Flik - 26/02/2012 - 8:29 am

What do you call a women who can’t cook?

-A Maid

# 26 - get back in the kitchen - 29/02/2012 - 4:48 pm

i need to tell these jokes in the classroom tomorrow :D

# 27 - Arsenal2212 - 08/03/2012 - 1:20 pm

 that is so true! like u said women have there jokes about us so how they can complain is beyond me, also true why do we keep coming back :P

# 28 - ji berflap - 10/03/2012 - 4:35 pm


# 29 - Moshcloud - 17/03/2012 - 8:11 pm

what do you call a women with one black eye?

a quick learner

# 30 - Moshcloud - 17/03/2012 - 8:13 pm

if the stove brakes and no ones around to hear it does it make a sound?

your wife will always be there!

# 31 - Moshcloud - 17/03/2012 - 8:20 pm

why are girls rubish at video games?

their too busy reading the instructions

# 32 - This Is A Man’s World - 21/03/2012 - 12:36 am

women can’t handle power. women have to be dominated and live under men. the opposite isn’t right. there’s no other way

# 33 - women r nice but funny - 21/03/2012 - 4:04 am

fag you could get in the kitchen too

# 34 - Bgos - 22/03/2012 - 8:10 am

ok can someone please (pretty please) come up with a joke about women that is actually funny & has nothing to do with the kitchen? (those are getting really old…)
i’ve heard 1 joke about women that was actually funny…but i can’t for the life of me remember what it was! does anyone have one that’s clever & actually funny? 

# 35 - narcissistic psycho bitch - 27/03/2012 - 6:03 am

women and kitchens will always be synonymous. it’s the only place where they’ve talent, dignity and grace and can’t whore out their bodies or souls. 

develop some literacy & get a sense of humour (unless you’re an american) 

# 36 - NarcissisticPsychoBitch - 28/03/2012 - 6:42 pm

What is women’s favorite drink? Whine

# 37 - delfina navarro - 28/11/2012 - 6:19 am

Me da tanta risa la ideologia que tienen los hombres acerca de las mujeres que hasta me da vergüenza ajena que piensen de esa manera tan tonta.

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